review

My dad had a connection to the wolf spirit - especially after my mom passed. I think it was the "family pack" aspect attributed to wolves that he liked or maybe it was his spirit animal? I'm not sure. A few years ago I showed him a quilt pattern of a wolf and he told me he would love to have one. So, I bought the quilt kit with the intention of making it for him. It is a technique that I haven’t done - paper piecing. It's not a difficult technique just something I have to learn. I put it off and the kit is still sitting in my sewing space. When dad passed I thought it’s too late for this now - should I sell the kit? Of course it’s not too late. I believe if I make the quilt my dad will still appreciate it.

That got me thinking about the story of the two wolves. There are many versions on the internet but generally…
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
 
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

I used to make year in review videos with all the adventures we had in the year. Mostly all the good because - well you know, life is only made up of good times. Or that’s what we think we need to show to the world.

I haven’t made a video since the end of 2018. If I look at my life since then, it makes sense. There have been a lot of low, confidence shattering, heartbreaking and incredibly difficult times. But of course there has also been fun, joy, laughter and even magical times. It’s the wolf you feed. 

This year I’m doing a review. Overall It’s been a surreal, challenging year that was totally unexpected but, I just drew another breath and for that, I’m grateful.

So here is my 2023...what I've learned and what I'm grateful for
- I resolve to move forward with as much grace and strength as I can through this cancer blip. No matter what, I got this.
- Waiting on the medical system is stressful. Once you’re in, the care is wonderful but they control your time. You go to the appointments when they are made for you. I had/have medical appointments at least every three weeks. 
- Needles are ok if you don't look.
- While I miss travelling abroad, sitting in the backyard watching the birds with a bubble tea and the sunshine on my face is pretty great. 
- Weekly deliveries of fresh fruit and fresh flowers bring joy.
- Things like getting in to a shower, driving, walking up/down stairs, riding a bike, visiting people, going for a walk in nature...should never be taken for granted.
- I am loved. So many people have offered support and love - friends reaching out, meals dropped off, gifts in the mail, notes of encouragement and prayers…lots of prayers. Wow. All the gestures lift me up and show me I am not alone. None of us are ever alone.
- Road trips to visit family, to watch ringette, to celebrate Ben's graduation and visits from family really made my heart happy. I also enjoyed travelling vicariously through the Kraft- Mullane's as they journeyed to Japan, Ireland, Sweden, Finland, Estonia and Hungary this year.  
- I am so grateful for Westley who is constantly by my side - watching over me. I'm not entirely sure what protection an 8lb dog can offer but I am so grateful for his loyalty and healing energy.
- Loss is hard. In October Phin crossed the rainbow bridge. I am so grateful for his big spirit and the 12+ years he was with us. There is an emptiness without him though.
- We sold the Victoria house which is a different kind of loss. We had to let go of our "home" in Victoria. I am grateful that Alana and her family were able to prepare the house to sell. I still have lots of bins from my parent's basement to sift through but I'll get there. Memories take time. 
- Having major changes in mobility is challenging, frustrating and isolating. So much of our world is not accessible. I went from using a cane to a walker to a wheel chair and now I am slowly getting back to the walker. With that I had to let go of ego about what I looked liked in order to participate in life. In the summer I bought a scooter so I could get out more go for walks (and to Costco). Life changing.
- I'm grateful I have a job with an understanding board and wonderful staff that allows me flexibility to work from home.
- Extreme pain is debilitating but meditation (and some Tylenol) helps. 
- I am responsible for my own hope and my mindset and inner dialogue plays an important role in healing. 
- Growing my faith and trust in the divine has been a major highlight. Everything is always working out for me. It can be no other way.

So 2024, I'm going to try to feed the wolf as much positivity as I can and dad, I'm committing to making that quilt for you...for me...for the joy of creating and learning something new. 

Cheers to 2024!

 Oh, and here's the 2023 video